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Please read this ways poem and give honest feed back. It was submited by a ninth grader.?

Ways poem of the Ocean

It was pretty good for a 9th grader. Part 1 is a simile, so is lpart two…but line two could have been a metaphor if you’d said, “loud crashing water: monsters of white water…” instead of “like” (which made it a simile). Part three is perspective and context in parallel…you could have shortened up the “a whole other world”…part to read, “another world waiting to be discovered” or “another world to be discovered”. Part 4 is magnitude, small to big, good choices. Part 5 is your weakest section…not because of what you wanted to say, but because of “how” you said it. You might have said, “The ability to create or destroy” or “The ability to create or destroy life”. Part 6 is a little weak in that your choice for an antithesis to “peaceful” was “treacherous”…which would have been a good choice if the other word was “loyal” or “faithful”…but the opposite of “peaceful” is not “treacherous”…maybe “agressive” or even “destructive”…and “agitated” is a better opposite of “calm”.

All in all, not bad though…keep writing

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